Monday, April 17, 2017


For the last 13 years (almost exactly), I have driven a great car. A 2001 filthy white Suzuki Swift, nicknamed “your face” because I like those words. I have joked that it goes 0 to 60 in 60 seconds, which might actually be true. I have also said that the engine light has been on for a year and a half, which is true. Multiple mechanics have read the thing (I know a lot about cars), and said “It says it’s this, but… I don’t know.” It has not had working air conditioning for any extended period of time for as long as I’ve had it. It does not have power steering. For the last year, the engine has been shaking violently whenever it gets stuck in traffic (which, not to understate it, occasionally happens in Los Angeles). If I drive it for a bit, then turn it off, it won’t start again for at least 20 minutes, which make errands a little complicated. The battery seems to drain when it’s not in use, so every time I start it, it sounds pathetic and sickly.

I will not be taking it with me to New York. I will not even be driving it for the next two weeks, because it’s too unreliable for simple moving tasks like dropping shit off at Goodwill, or possibly, getting me anywhere at all (it’s broken down a couple times, and recently was unable to start.)

In 2008, on the night of Erin and I’s 4-year anniversary, we took the Swift to a drive-in in San Jose, where we saw the original The Fast & The Furious, on a random double feature with Selena. The next year, the 4th film, Fast & Furious, came out and we saw it at the same drive-in. Appropriately, your face’s final task was getting Erin and me to the theater last Thursday night to see the latest film in the phenomenal franchise, The Fate of the Furious. After the movie, I street-raced it so hard it caught on fire and I had to drive it backwards across the finish line and into the ocean. Goodbye, filthy white Suzuki Swift, you have been perfect.

I will be driving a rental car to my remaining shows on my See Ya L.A.Tour. Starting on Saturday (two night ago), I did Tomorrow! Show again, but didn’t get a chance to write this post beforehand! It went great!

Tonight! I’m on The Business at Little Joy!

Thursday night! I’m on Sleeping with Mark & Albert at Holy Grounds Coffee & Tea in Alhambra!

Saturday! There might be a couple things, not sure yet.

Sunday! I’m back on Chatterbox Comedy Night, because after writing a whole big post about doing it last week, I ended up dropping out because my mom broke her leg.

See Ya L.A.Tour!!

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