Now that The Vault has finished up, I thought it'd be a good time to revisit the other web series I was a part of, Capturin' the Freedmans. We made three glorious episodes of CTF, but for various reasons, were never able to film the fourth. We did write it, though, so I figured I may as well share the script.
Since it's been awhile, you should probably (definitely) rewatch the episodes to catch yourself up. Here's Episode 1 and Episode 2, and I'll embed Episode 3 because it's the most relevant to what happens next, and it's my favorite.
Trivia: This is a photo of the person who doubled for me.
If you don't want to watch them, here's all you need to know. Bird the cat has a flashback revealing that Stefan Cho (the corpse from Episode 1) had actually been murdered by his twin brother Steven Cho (the detective from Episode 2). The last episode ends with Doug and Jenny (the couple from every episode) hearing a gunshot just outside their door. Episode 4 begins outside their apartment, just before that gunshot happens. Officer Corey was going to be played by Corey, and Dr. Hanger was going to be played by Cliff Collins. It was written by Doug, Jenny, Cliff, and myself.
CAPTURIN’ THE FREEDMANS EPISODE 4
SHOT OF DETECTIVE STEVEN CHO AND OFFICER COREY COMING UP STAIRS IN THE HALLWAY.
Corey: You’re my favorite partner, I got here as fast as I could to help you out.
Steven: I appreciate that, Officer Corey.
COREY TRIPS ON STEPS.
Steven: Oh man, are you ok?
STEVEN HELPS COREY TO HIS FEET, BRUSHES HIM OFF.
Corey: Yeah, thanks man. You’re the best.
THEY REACH THE TOP OF THE STAIRS.
Steven: Alright, if you get a clear shot on Doug or Jenny, I consider them extremely armed and potentially dangerous.
Corey: Well, if I go down in a hale of bullets, it’d be an honor to go down by your side.
Steven: Good. We’re shooting to kill these people, Officer Corey.
Corey: Wait, are you being serious? I thought we were just doing a routine follow-up.
STEVEN RAISES GUN TO COREY’S HEAD.
Steven: I thought we were friends.
Corey: Best friends, 4 ever ever. Steven, what are you doing?
Steven: I’m not sorry.
STEVEN SHOOTS COREY IN THE FACE. AT THE SOUND OF GUNSHOT, CUT TO DOUG AND JENNY REACTING. CUT TO CLOSE ZOOM IN ON WHAT’S LEFT OF COREY'S FACE (VERY BLOODY, EYEBALL HANGING OUT).
STEVEN BUSTS INTO THE HOUSE AND RUNS DOWN THE HALLWAY, BLOOD SPATTERED ON HIS FACE. HE ENTERS THE LIVING ROOM, AND SEES AN OPEN WINDOW, CURTAINS BLOWING IN THE WIND.
Steven (screaming): FREEEEEEDMAAAANS!!!!!! I must… capture them.
CUT TO JENNY AND DOUG RIDING OFF ON SCOOTER.
Doug: Where are we going, Jenny?
Jenny: I don’t know, shorty, but we’re blasting out of here.
Doug: Good idea, but can we stop for some clam chowder in a bread bowl?
Jenny: No, Doug, the doctor said Red Bull is bad for your tiny heart.
Doug: I agree.
Jenny: Good. Now the first thing we need to do is get some disguises. They’re gonna be looking for a super hot babe, perfect 10, with a really short guy.
Doug: I could be a tall man, Jenny, I know I could. But you could never be a 9.
Jenny: That’s true, but I could be a 10 with blonde hair.
Doug: Outstanding. Let’s stop at the nearest pay phone and see if we can find a hair stylist who also does leg extensions.
CUT TO DOUG AND JENNY AT A PAY PHONE LOOKING AT A PHONE BOOK. THEY OPEN IT UP TO AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR DR. HANGER. JENNY CALLS THE NUMBER.
Jenny: Hi, is this Dr. Hanger?
Dr. Hanger: YEAH. COME ON IN.
Jenny: We’re on the run, and my boyfriend needs some leg extensions, and I need to dye my hair.
Dr. Hanger: TODAY’S WEDNESDAY. YOU SHOULD STOP BY MY CHURCH, I’LL HOOK YOU UP.
SHOT OF PHONE HANGING UP IN BOOTH.
Jenny: We’ll be right there!
DOUG AND JENNY PULL UP TO CHURCH. JENNY GETS OFF BIKE, DOUG LEAPS OFF. THEY ENTER CHURCH.
Dr. Hanger: My children, come in! Come all over the place.
Doug: You do legs and hair?
DR. HANGER SHUSHES DOWN TO DOUG, AND SPEAKS DIRECTLY TO JENNY.
Dr. Hanger: So what brought you here, my child?
Jenny: Here’s what happened. My cat’s best friend was murdered by his identical twin brother…
Dr. Hanger: Yeah, I saw the flashback. I meant what did you need from me? Your hair is obviously perfect, so I’m guessing you need help with those stubby little legs?
Jenny: Yeah, his name is Doug and he’s been that way his whole life.
SHOT OF DOUG LOOKING SAD.
Dr. Hanger: Oh, that little fella. How’s it going, buddy? You’re just about altar boy size, I didn’t even see you there, ha ha. Well, I’m gonna alter your size, boy. Fix you right up.
Jenny: What’s this gonna run us?
Dr. Hanger: Between $6,000 and $18,000. Depends on how long the surgery takes, how much anesthesia we need, you know, lots of different factors. How many stomach crunches I did this morning… Jenny, feel my abs. You think Jesus was ripped. He was a faggot. Guess how many stomach crunches I did today.
Doug: Do you have student discounts?
Dr. Hanger: Sure do. I’ll need to see some IDs, but if y’all are in school, it’s only $15.50.
Jenny: I guess that’s worth it.
Dr. Hanger: Ok, but let’s make this quick. I got five more limb extensions later today.
Doug: For two and a half people?
Dr. Hanger: A+. (hands Doug a lollipop) Great math skills, little dude. Let’s do this thang.
CUT TO SURGERY MONTAGE. DOUG LYING ON STRETCHER, DR. HANGER LOOKING INTENSE, BLOOD SPRAYING IN HIS FACE, GRAPHIC SURGERY FOOTAGE, BABY BEING BORN. HALFWAY THROUGH MONTAGE, DOUG STANDS UP AND IS EVEN SHORTER.
Jenny: Where’s his…?
Dr. Hanger: My bad.
BACK TO SURGERY MONTAGE. BABY GOES BACK INTO VAGINA. FADE OUT.
FADE IN. EPIC PAN UP FROM SHOES UP LEGS. SHOT OF JENNY AND DOUG EMBRACING. DOUG IS REGULAR HEIGHT. JENNY IS BLONDE.
Jenny: You look amazing.
Doug: I feel like I can touch the stars. I’d like to grab one for you, and put it on your finger, and ask you again to be my wife.
DOUG REACHES UP.
Doug: I can’t quite make it.
Jenny: It’s ok. You’re so much closer. And as soon as you reach it, I’ll probably say yes.
JENNY TURNS TO DR. HANGER.
Jenny: We can’t possibly thank you enough, Dr. Hanger.
Dr. Hanger: Please, call me Cliff.