Friday, April 20, 2007

The Top 10 Hottest Celebrity Incest Pairings

The whole kid/parent thing is something I've never really put a whole lot of thought into, it's always been about siblings for me. But then over the last few weeks, I watched a couple Judy Garland movies, and occasionally there's a pretty strong resemblance to Liza Minnelli, and I got to thinking that the two of them together might do a little somethin' for me. But then I saw a video of an actual mother and daughter making out. And it was kinda gross. Granted, they were gross rednecks and not movie stars, but it was different than simply watching ordinary ugly people make out. Something felt totally wrong about it. I wondered for about a day how this would affect my near-lifelong fascination with sibling-sex, but eventually came to the conclusion it was unaffected. Siblings fucking each other is still hot. Especially twins. Which leads me to another important thing about the kid/parent pairings. Resemblance is important, so they have to be the same age. I have no interest in old Judy Garland with barely pubescent Liza Minnelli. They both looked their best when they were about 20, so that's how old they should each be when they fuck me together.

The closer the resemblance, the hotter the couple. Identical twins are the best (you'll never guess who number 1 is gonna be), but there is one thing even hotter. Clones. Nothing would be more ideal to me than to be with two of the exact same person at the same time. Which leads me to the two people who would easily be number one on this list if it were actually incest, and not just some shitty photoshop I threw together. The hottest couple I have ever seen in my life, Linda Blair and Linda Blair:

This particular photo is somewhat of an anomaly in my fetish, in that it shows two Linda Blairs of different ages, which like I said before, is not my thing. But I guess when it comes to two Linda Blairs, I'd get excited by just about anything.
What I'd like to see them do with each other: Everything imaginable. It's two fucking Linda Blairs, I want to see them naked and fucking each other in every way. I guess it changes though depending on the ages of the Linda Blairs. If they're both mid-80s (as in 1980s, not 80 years old) Linda Blairs, it'd be all about sex. But if it's younger Linda Blair with older Linda Blair, such as the picture above, I'd kinda just like to see them get married and live a happy life together.
My involvement: Full fucking involvement, obviously.

And I have to give a special shout-out to Cherish and Cali, identical twins who are porn stars.

They are fucking twins who look exactly alike, and they fuck guys together, and their videos get me off like a whole bunch. I thought about including them on the list, but they're not really celebrities (yet?), and I wanted to go more with people everyone was familiar with.

Three-Way Mother/Daughter Runner-Up Tie

Debbie Reynolds & Carrie Fisher

Blythe Danner & Gwyneth Paltrow

Judy Garland & Liza Minnelli

I'm thinking with the parent/kid couples, maybe what I'd like to do is have sex with them one after another, but not at the same time. Maybe for like a couple weeks on alternating days. But they'd be fully aware of the situation, and though they would agree it's best not to be with me at the same time, they'd still get really turned on by the idea of me with their mother or daughter on the other nights. So like, on my night with Debbie Reynolds, she would be really turned on by the thought of my having been with her daughter Carrie Fisher the night before. And like, sometimes she'd even ask me to call her "Carrie" while we're doin' it.

And now, finally, here is:
The Top 10 Hottest Celebrity Incest Pairings!

10. John & Joan Cusack

Long before this fetish was fully realized, I was thinking about how incredible it would be if John and Joan Cusack played a married couple in a movie. I have very little interest in the Cusacks, sexually or otherwise, and really, they only make the list because they were the very first celebrity siblings I had ever considered pairing up in an incestuous way.
What'd I'd like to see them do: I still really want to see them make out.
My involvement: None, I just want to see it. I don't even have to be there, I'd be satisfied to watch it on a tape. Over and over.

9. Macauly, Kieran, & Rory Culkin

What I'd like to see: I'd love to see Macauly and Kieran showing Rory the ropes in the bedroom. I imagine Kieran and a bewildered Rory sitting on the bed, Kieran giving him a handjob, while Macauly is kneeling in front of them, going down on Kieran.
My involvement: I just want to film it. And even though I have no interest in taking part in the sex, for some reason it feels appropriate that I be completely naked while filming. I think I would definitely be turned on by this situation, but I also can only imagine it happening during a very dark period in my life. It'd be more satisfying if I wasn't just doing it for laughs, but if there was a self-destructive element to it. And if their father was paying me a bunch of money to make the video.

8. Tippi Hedren & Melanie Griffith

So it should be noted that Tippi and Melanie were originally runners-up, and Liza and Judy were in this position, but this picture of the two of them side by side turned out way hotter than I would've imagined and I had to move them. As for what I want to do with them, it's the same as the mothers/daughters above, having sex with them on alternate nights, them being turned on by this, Melanie insisting I call her "Tippi".

7. Donald & Kiefer Sutherland

Honestly, I can't figure out what I would want to do with Donald and Kiefer, or if I would want them to do shit together or not. I think I just want them to surprise me, and it'd probably be hot no matter what. I mean, just look at them.

6. Emilio Estevez & Charlie Sheen

What I'd like to see: Obviously, I'd want them to re-enact Men At Work in my living room, with both of them playing every character, and with a lot more scenes of intense pornography. I definitely want to see these two fuck each other, and I want to see lots of sloppy, wet kisses.
My involvement: I'd play the Keith David role. Sexual contact would be limited, but there definitely would be some. I'd probably want them both to blow me at the same time.

5. Patricia, Alexis, David, and Rosanna Arquette

What I'd like to see: A fucking orgy. Nothing too special going on (aside from Rosanna wearing her leg brace thing from Crash), just a lot of fucking and sucking.
My involvement: I'd be fully involved with this one.

4. Jake & Maggie Gyllenhaal

What I'd like to see: I just want to see them fuck, basically. With lots of holding each other tightly and trying to feel every single inch of skin of their partner.
My involvement: At first, I'd just want to watch. But over time, as our relationship developed, I'd want to start joining in occasionally. They'd be very inviting, but I'd always know their true passion was for each other.

3. Owen & Luke Wilson

This is the couple that started it all. The first siblings I looked at and thought, Holy shit, the two of them having sex with each other would be fucking sexy as fuck!
What I'd like to see: Very tender sex. Playful, boyish comparisons of their penis sizes. Softly cooing into each other's ears, staring deep into each other's eyes. Lots of soft caressing.
My involvement: I both do and don't want to be involved. I want to feel jealous of how in love with each other they are. Then I want them to break up, and hate each other for awhile. But then they get back together again when they're both going down on me and their tongues accidentally meet, and suddenly all their old feelings rush back, and they start making out, then finish me off, then go off and have lots of tender, loving sex with each other and forget all about me.

2. Jason & Justine Bateman

These two have actually made jokes about fucking each other! Jason wanted to cast Justine on Arrested Development as a love interest. It doesn't get much hotter than that. Being with the two of them is practically a plausible situation.
What I want to see: Everything.
My involvement: Everything.

1. Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen

Individually, they don't really blow me away looks-wise. But they're fucking twins. AND they were on one of my favorite tv shows of all time, Full House. Therefore, I want to completely fucking ravish them, and they are an easy choice for the number one spot. I wish I could come up with some kind of specific amusing fantasy I'd like to act out with them, but there's just no reason to bother, because all they gotta do is make out, and I'd be fucking sated for life.

And finally, I'll end with my Guilty Pleasure Couple.

Candace & Kirk Cameron

This is one I definitely do not want to take part in, and I don't even think I could get off on watching it, but I can't imagine anything more satisfying than if a sex tape of them were to arise.

No comments:

Post a Comment